Footwear at the Cutting Edge

Well I was wrong - not green moon boots after all but these fetching numbers nattily fitted with velcro straps for ease of slipping on and off. The physio who fitted me helpfully advised that the section over the instep is detachable and can be quickly removed when weather permits for a charmingly summery effect! I fear however greater exposure would only reveal more of the increasingly tattered and frayed dressings which must remain until the unveiling in a few weeks.

The procedure was not too agonising am pleased to report. Major hassle of the whole thing is the bloody (well not literally) dressings as of course am forbidden to get them wet. Showering is therefore an interesting venture. After considerable experimentation now have it down to a fine art, with a strategically placed folding chair in the alcove for me to lower myself onto, while propping the pins up outside the shower on the laundry basket, the feet being encased in old shopping bags tied up with masking tape. At first almost drowned myself under the deluge of water pouring straight down onto my head until it dawned that a simple adjustment to the shower head would fix that. Slight problem with this solution in that the parts most in need of washing are somewhat hard to get at while in a seated position. Fortunately no intimate encounters are in the offing, so am not too fussed.

A major drama ensued last week, amusing in retrospect, highly alarming at the time. Shortly after my sister left to return to the bosom of her family after doing an absolutely sterling job looking after me, decided to launch myself into the shower. Quite efficiently managed the ablutions and towelling off and was feeling quite pleased with myself until on the verge of emerging in all my semi-clad splendour, discovered that I couldn't open the bathroom door. Has been a slight problem with the bathroom door knob which has been hanging loose (as it were) for quite some time awaiting a passing handyman (as have I but that's another story). On this occasion even though I have been successfully opening and closing the door despite the wonky knob, it had firmly latched itself shut and refused to be budged. A slight feeling of concern soon escalated into major panic as I wrestled and sweated over the blasted thing - the exhaust fan booming away all the while (as of course the switches are outside the door) and the dogs pawing at the door from the other side, obviously alerted by the expletives issuing forth. Eventually it became clear it was a futile exercise and visions of being discovered some time in the future as a putrefying corpse floated before my eyes. The only means of escape it transpired was the window. What luck there was a folding chair in the shower (everyone should have one) - as after clambering up on the toilet seat and shoving the fly screen off, I managed to get the folding chair through and position it on the other side for me to land on. Problem solved! Slight difficulty once I got onto the ledge though as with the metal window frame gouging into my buttocks I couldn't figure out what the hell to do with my legs - had of course neglected to get the plastic bags off my feet before launching into the escape which made them extremely unweildy and so ended up teetering on the brink for quite some time. Eventually managed to contort myself sufficiently to get one leg down and the other one through, trying not to think about what might happen if I fell, which miraculously I didn't.

Relief at having survived that ordeal has actually made the rest of my convalescence a breeze. Am sure there is a lesson in that adventure somewhere --- perhaps when things like doorknobs break, get them fixed?