Yes I know it's a week or so away, but I just saw an article about how to look your best for Valentine's Day and it reminded me of this impending assault on our fragile sense of emotional equilibrium (or mine anyway) not to mention our wallets if we happen to have a partner who needs a reminder of our devotion to them.
Now this cynical attitude could be construed as a case of sour grapes on my part, because I currently have no potential flower, chocolate or red heart donor, nor for that matter any potential donees deserving of a few bucks spent on them, and sadly have been in this non-starter state for the last few years when the great day has dawned. But I hasten to reassure you it’s not that – well not entirely anyway and I do try to tone down the bitchy looks at those more favoured colleagues at the office tripping off to collect their floral tributes, having been ostentatiously summoned by the receptionist who can never resist an arch comment or two on such occasions. It’s a bit like Mother’s Day if you’ve got no kids, or no living mother I suppose or Father’s Day or any other “day” where you’re clearly a non-contender for whatever reason – even the most together of us can’t help but feel a bit left out. And for those of us who are decidedly shaky anyway, this stuff could be just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
There is something decidedly contrived about the symbols of affection precipitated by the blatant commercial campaigns that all such “days” have become and although I would never want to discourage any ardent swain from lavishing their paramour with offerings of flowers, perfume, jewellery, chocolates or whatever else they think might take their fancy (except perhaps not those grotesque shiny heart bubble thingos which are frankly gross and belong in a used car yard), the simple spontaneity of a thoughtful caring gesture or act, unprecipitated by any special occasion is possibly more to be valued.
The other thing about the dreaded “V” day is that if you happen to be lucky enough to have a special someone, depending on the longevity, stability or requited nature of the relationship, it can be very tricky indeed navigating your way through the potential pitfalls this occasion can present. If you have been blissfully together for a while and no clouds are currently marring the vista of your togetherness then of course you don’t have a problem – sit back and either accept all offerings gracefully or give generously, or both, or just ignore the whole ridiculous shebang and enjoy each other. No, what I’m talking about is those often more frequent situations where you haven’t been together long, you’re not sure how you feel, or how he/she feels, or things are just a tad rocky for whatever reason. Then you are faced with the dilemma – do I boldly front up with a pressie, or maybe more guardedly just a card, or take the coward’s way out and send an anonymous missive (which of course is in fact being more true to the tradition in any case) – or do I furtively get a “just in case” little something and hold it in reserve until something materializes from the one in question? This situation must of course be handled very delicately as one must make sure the little something is fairly closely to hand in the event you luck out in the recipient stakes so you can just whisk it out as though you almost but not quite beat them to it! If you are caught on the hop and have to say, well of course I have something special for you darling, but stupid me, I left it home/in the car/at the office – well anywhere but at the shop clearly, unless you are a complete Valentine’s dunderhead and in fact it is at the shop as yet completely unconsidered and unpurchased. Here some very quick thinking is in order. Usually I may add it is the male of the species who finds himself in this tight spot – silly buggers that they are.
I have had many such dilemmas over the years ranging from being delightfully surprised with bounteous and gorgeous flowers from someone I hankered after but thought I had little chance with, to being sent a huge, ostentatious and garish arrangement more suited to a funeral parlour by someone I loathed – which went immediately into the bin. The satisfaction this gave me was quickly annulled when the idiot in question promptly phoned to ask if I got his flowers and really put me on the spot. Another time in the very fledgling phase of a relationship I got completely carried away by a store display or listening to too many romantic songs, or being drunk or something and drove all the way across town to buy a very expensive and hard to get book, the title of which I can’t remember now except that the word “love” figured prominently in it. This of course was coupled with a full-on “to my sweetheart” Hallmark extravaganza of a card in which I blush to remember the fond sentiments I inscribed. Great thought but about two thousand degrees to the right of moderation, given the developmental stage of that relationship as was evidenced by the awkwardness of the recipient on having this lavished upon him. He gave me a card – in which the word “love” was nowhere to be seen.
So in retrospect this Valentine’s Day perhaps rather than feeling miffed at being on the outer, I shall feel relieved not to have to deal with any of it at all and just carry on as though absolutely nothing was different. (Which won’t be too hard actually as this year it falls on a Saturday so I won’t be confronted by other people getting stuff I have no wish to see).
Now this cynical attitude could be construed as a case of sour grapes on my part, because I currently have no potential flower, chocolate or red heart donor, nor for that matter any potential donees deserving of a few bucks spent on them, and sadly have been in this non-starter state for the last few years when the great day has dawned. But I hasten to reassure you it’s not that – well not entirely anyway and I do try to tone down the bitchy looks at those more favoured colleagues at the office tripping off to collect their floral tributes, having been ostentatiously summoned by the receptionist who can never resist an arch comment or two on such occasions. It’s a bit like Mother’s Day if you’ve got no kids, or no living mother I suppose or Father’s Day or any other “day” where you’re clearly a non-contender for whatever reason – even the most together of us can’t help but feel a bit left out. And for those of us who are decidedly shaky anyway, this stuff could be just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
There is something decidedly contrived about the symbols of affection precipitated by the blatant commercial campaigns that all such “days” have become and although I would never want to discourage any ardent swain from lavishing their paramour with offerings of flowers, perfume, jewellery, chocolates or whatever else they think might take their fancy (except perhaps not those grotesque shiny heart bubble thingos which are frankly gross and belong in a used car yard), the simple spontaneity of a thoughtful caring gesture or act, unprecipitated by any special occasion is possibly more to be valued.
The other thing about the dreaded “V” day is that if you happen to be lucky enough to have a special someone, depending on the longevity, stability or requited nature of the relationship, it can be very tricky indeed navigating your way through the potential pitfalls this occasion can present. If you have been blissfully together for a while and no clouds are currently marring the vista of your togetherness then of course you don’t have a problem – sit back and either accept all offerings gracefully or give generously, or both, or just ignore the whole ridiculous shebang and enjoy each other. No, what I’m talking about is those often more frequent situations where you haven’t been together long, you’re not sure how you feel, or how he/she feels, or things are just a tad rocky for whatever reason. Then you are faced with the dilemma – do I boldly front up with a pressie, or maybe more guardedly just a card, or take the coward’s way out and send an anonymous missive (which of course is in fact being more true to the tradition in any case) – or do I furtively get a “just in case” little something and hold it in reserve until something materializes from the one in question? This situation must of course be handled very delicately as one must make sure the little something is fairly closely to hand in the event you luck out in the recipient stakes so you can just whisk it out as though you almost but not quite beat them to it! If you are caught on the hop and have to say, well of course I have something special for you darling, but stupid me, I left it home/in the car/at the office – well anywhere but at the shop clearly, unless you are a complete Valentine’s dunderhead and in fact it is at the shop as yet completely unconsidered and unpurchased. Here some very quick thinking is in order. Usually I may add it is the male of the species who finds himself in this tight spot – silly buggers that they are.
I have had many such dilemmas over the years ranging from being delightfully surprised with bounteous and gorgeous flowers from someone I hankered after but thought I had little chance with, to being sent a huge, ostentatious and garish arrangement more suited to a funeral parlour by someone I loathed – which went immediately into the bin. The satisfaction this gave me was quickly annulled when the idiot in question promptly phoned to ask if I got his flowers and really put me on the spot. Another time in the very fledgling phase of a relationship I got completely carried away by a store display or listening to too many romantic songs, or being drunk or something and drove all the way across town to buy a very expensive and hard to get book, the title of which I can’t remember now except that the word “love” figured prominently in it. This of course was coupled with a full-on “to my sweetheart” Hallmark extravaganza of a card in which I blush to remember the fond sentiments I inscribed. Great thought but about two thousand degrees to the right of moderation, given the developmental stage of that relationship as was evidenced by the awkwardness of the recipient on having this lavished upon him. He gave me a card – in which the word “love” was nowhere to be seen.
So in retrospect this Valentine’s Day perhaps rather than feeling miffed at being on the outer, I shall feel relieved not to have to deal with any of it at all and just carry on as though absolutely nothing was different. (Which won’t be too hard actually as this year it falls on a Saturday so I won’t be confronted by other people getting stuff I have no wish to see).
1 comment:
Sheesh. I feel guilty about posting my flowers now. I do know the feeling though - I loathe Mother's Day.
In our house, Valentine's is called "VD" apparently. When presenting me with my flowers, he said "Happy VD day". Wow, thanks dear. Grrrrr!
Post a Comment