Decision Time

As someone who is always rushing into a discussion saying "life is short", "seize the day", "you can't take it with you" and so on ad nauseum, I have been strangely reluctant to follow my own advice. However after a week that began with a severe, verging on terminal,case of Monday-itis, which hadn't really improved by Friday, I have decided to do something about the ho-hum nature of my current existence. No, I'm not going to jump off a tall building or run away with a dashing stranger (I wish), I am simply going to go on an overseas trip. Not until next year, so I have about a year and a bit to save up, which for me will be the greatest challenge. However I can be fiercely self-disciplined when I want to, and heaven knows I have enough clothes, shoes, books, cosmetics, household trinkets gadgets and sundry paraphernalia to last me if I live another hundred years, so I should be able to tighten my belt quite a number of notches and not feel the strain.

Having wanted to travel to Ireland all my life to see the land of my ancestors (my great grandparents were Irish) I am booking a tour of England, Scotland and Ireland in August next year with an organisation that I am reliably informed is very good and specialises in tours for small groups of single people. And no it's not a match making agency - if it's anything like most similar ventures, it's bound to be overloaded with women in any case, but that's not the point.

In order to give myself an inspirational goal and set myself on the road to rigid frugality, I am letting myself get all excited about this now, even though it's some way off. And being the ultimate eager beaver for learning all about things I will no doubt be poring over books, photos, experiences of other travellers and whatever else I can find to make myself as well informed although hopefully not boringly so, as possible.

And the way time whizzes away these days, it won't be all that long before you can all wish me bon voyage. Only problem is it might be a bit difficult to smuggle a couple of small hairy and noisy dogs along in the suitcase!

Body / Brain Interaction

Having reaped the benefits of a year of pretty regular exercise now, in terms of being a lot slimmer and fitter, I am enthused about the idea of keeping on with it. As I might have mentioned on my blog a while ago, I joined up with Healthy Inspirations - a place devoted to "reshaping" women, not only bodily but also in terms of reshaping their ideas about healthy nutrition and the very real benefits of regular moderate exercise. Probably because it is a place for women only and the staff are very understanding and supportive and about as far from your intimidating "gym bunny" type as you are likely to get, its clientele is largely women of a certain age.

However having gone about as far as I can go with what they have to offer, I decided recently I needed a change and so have bravely decided to join a real gym - with men!! I will be starting there next week and am looking forward to the experience, albeit a little apprehensively. There is a greater range of offerings in terms of classes, as well as the full complement of cardio and weight resistance machines so I will be well and truly challenged. Just scanning the names of the classes is somewhat challenging in itself. For example I am given the opportunity to partake of such hedonistic delights as "Body Attack", "Cardio Blast", "Body Pump" and one I know I just won't be able to resist - "RPM" - a studio cycling class that threatens to "lead you on a journey of total calorie destruction".

So think of me sweating it out and hopefully not killing myself. Whenever the flesh weakens in regard to exercise though, as it does from time to time of course, I need only remind myself of some fairly amazing (if not new) information I read recently in a fascinating book called "Brain Rules" by John Medina, a molecular biologist. His passion is trying to identify ways to translate what we know about how our brains work into adapting our educational institutions and workplaces so that better outcomes are achieved.

There are several major factors in life that have a fundamental and undeniable influence on the efficiency of our brains, which he terms "Brain Rules". One of these and perhaps the most elemental is exercise. Exercise boosts brain power. We, by virtue of our evolutionary history, are just not meant to be sedentary beings. Physical activity, it has been well and truly proven, enhances our cognitive skills, and helps slow down the ageing process (both the mental and physical aspects). There is in fact one major factor that predicts how people will age - the presence or absence of a sedentary lifestyle. Empirical evidence indicates that consistent and regular exercise results in an elevation in cognitive performance. Experimenters measured the cognitive abilities of a group of couch potatoes, exercised them consistently for a period of time (only a few months), and found on repeat testing that all kinds of mental activities had become strengthened. When the exercise levels were decreased again, the levels of cognition correspondingly fell.

For anyone who wants, needs or just likes to use their brains (which is pretty much everyone I guess) and would prefer not to end their days vegetating in a nursing home, what this means is we have to keep on sweating it out. Even if aerobics and spin cycle classes are not for you, substantial benefits can be gained just from several brisk walks a week apparently. So anyway I am inspired enough to keep on and will keep you posted on the new gym and the scenery!!

A little holiday project

Having declared no New Year resolutions, I have at least set a goal (which sounds more personal growth-ish I think) which is to do more blogging ... I know at least one or two of my friends read it occasionally which is enough to keep the muse alive and kicking and there's nothing more disheartening I know than logging on to something (like your personal emails) and finding zilch - not even a special offer on Viagra. Which needless to say is lost on me. Besides it's good intellectual exercise - believe it or not, the brain does make contact occasionally with what issues from the keyboard. So with this incentive to inspire me, and because I am quite chuffed to have actually achieved something productive during the Xmas/New Year holiday break, thought I would show what I've done.

As I live in a courtyard home I don't have much of an outdoor view from my loungeroom and kitchen windows, except for the dividing fence and the top of the next door neighbour's house - decidedly uninspiring. To brighten things up a bit, there is a trellis on the fence, a few struggling creepers and assorted pots with plants in various states of health - good, declining and fairly dodgy. At one end, overlooked by the loungeroom window, is what was once a rockery - all evidence of rocks having been submerged beneath a mountain of Wandering Jew - a hideous rubbery plant that grows anywhere - up your legs if you stand still long enough. So the project was to uproot the Wandering Jew, dig out all the rocks and pebbles and re-do the whole thing, if not with a Jamie Durie inspired water feature, at least with a bit more panache just in case anyone worthwhile ended up in the loungeroom and happened to glance out the window.

It's taken me ages but after much sweating, digging, tugging and Prometheus like lifting of rocks, I finally got the area cleared and have now artfully rearranged all the rocks, pebbles and pots of new plants so it looks really rather good - well when compared to the tip it was before. In the narrow window of opportunity before the dogs decide to do a bit of excavating - partial as they are to the taste of new potting soil - thought I'd take a couple of shots of the completed masterpiece - sort of a "before", with the wishful thought that against the enormous odds of dogs, drought, snails, wind, birds and general wear and tear, the plants will be allowed to grow, thrive and spread attractively over the rocks so that there can later on be an "after" - which even Jamie Durie would be proud to call his own!

Susan Jeffers

I have always had an interest in the field of personal growth and have read a number of books over the years on how to understand ourselves and others better, how to deal with the difficulties life throws our way, how to establish and maintain better and more lasting relationships and many other aspects of life that sometimes seem really hard to grapple with alone. I do feel the insights offered in some of these books are really worthwhile and although obviously one needs to adapt what is relevant for their own circumstances, it is surprising how often a new approach to a long standing dilemma can reveal itself in such writing.

An author in this genre I have recently come to know and admire is Susan Jeffers. I have read several of her books, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway", "Embracing Uncertainty", "The Feal the Fear Guide to Lasting Love" and most recently "Opening our Hearts to Men". Her consistent message throughout her books is that when we get in touch with our higher consciousness and switch off the ego-driven reactions, it becomes much easier to operate with a sense of love, caring, calmness and self-confidence, rather than fear of failure or rejection. Developing a strong sense of self-worth is difficult in the face of disappointments, loneliness, career obstacles, family and relationship problems, but as Susan Jeffers points out, if we focus primarily on addressing our own attitudes and taking responsibility for addressing the problems, and less on judging others, it opens the way for real insights and real solutions.

She has proposed this approach on a broader scale as an answer to stopping violence and promoting peace in the world. If we each really try to reduce the amount of negativity in our thoughts and actions, we can add to a critical mass where life-changing actions can begin to take place and blame, hatred and alienation can be transformed into caring, healing and peace. A great message I think, but it all starts with us.

The art of happiness

Happiness (which I have sometimes seen as just an illusion dreamt up to make us think all this slogging away and muddling through has some purpose) is apparently a much more concrete entity than that, according to the latest psychological research.

A founding researcher in the field of "positive psychology", Dr Martin Seligman, was among the first to begin scientific investigations into what "makes the human heart sing" – a leap beyond "Beyond Blue" if you like. His theory is based on the very logical hypothesis that if psychologists can help people move from the extreme negatives of neurosis, depression and mental illness to normality, then perhaps they could also help them move from normality to the more positive end of the scale - in other words not just cope, but flourish. This hypothetical journey into the light, he contends, is linked to emotional competencies such as optimism, engagement, creativity, altruism and a sense of connectedness.

A fascinating aspect of his research findings is what apparently doesn't make us happy. Among the non-raters are:

• Money (not really a surprise, although I have always suspected it must help to ease the misery to some extent)


• A Good Education and/or a high IQ (ignorance is bliss perhaps?)


• Youth (apparently despite their physical advantages, all that existential angst gets in the way for younger people)


• Sunshine (a surprise here for all those sufferers of seasonal affective disorder).

And what does you may well ask – interestingly it's a lot of things in life that can't be bought, taught, inherited, or just luckily stumbled upon, e.g.

• Community spirit – contributing to the lives of others


• Friends, family and our commitment and sense of connection to them (what have I been saying about the value of blog networking?)


• A sense of purpose (I think having worthwhile but achievable goals really helps)


• Being in control of your life (makes sense - if you're a victim of any of life's really tough blows, it's clearly going to be hard).

Moving beyond the purely diagnostic, psychologists are even daring to be prescriptive and suggesting strategies to boost our feelings of happiness. These tend to focus on cultivating the art of gratitude (sincerely count your blessings, in other words) and regularly practicing acts of altruism. Other suggestions include savoring life's joys (really cherishing those pleasurable moments and sensations), thanking those who have helped us or made us happy, learning to forgive those that have done the opposite, investing time and energy in friends and family, taking care of our bodies and finding effective ways of coping with stress and hardship.

So, contrary to popular belief that happiness is an arbitrary and subjective concept, it is apparently capable of being not only put under the microscope, but cultivated, nurtured and largely self-initiated. Perhaps not a revolutionary idea, but certainly an enormously valid one and a breath of fresh air amidst the obsession with depression that seems to prevail in our society today.

Brotherly love

Relationships between brothers and sisters have often been called life's most influential and longest lasting relationships - lasting longer than ties to parents, spouses, or children (Bank & Kahn, 1997). As such they can certainly teach us a lot about ourselves.

This past weekend I spent some time with my brother, just he and I, something we have rarely done through the course of our relationship . He is walking a very hard road through life at present, having recently lost his wife of almost 30 years suddenly and unexpectedly as the result of a rare complication following a surgical procedure. I spent some time sitting with him in the hospital the day she died when he was faced with the enormity of having to give his assent to turning off the life support mechanisms. The nightmarish atmosphere of that room and that day lives with me still ... I cannot conceive of the torment it must have caused him.

This photo of them both was taken during a holiday in Thailand I shared with them several years ago, when we all had a fantastic time visiting an elephant camp.

She was a delightful woman, much loved by her large family of sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews - quiet, unassuming, but warm, caring and perhaps one of the most completely unselfish people I knew. My brother has lost someone very precious.

However he is moving through the grieving process and all it entails with quiet fortitude, dignity and a remarkable degree of perceptiveness. We talked on the weekend about what this journey is revealing to him, about himself, life and also, as became evident, his other family relationships. Some of the things he is learning on this painful but illuminating journey of self-discovery I think I should try to incorporate into my own journey, to help with those periods of stress and uncertainty we all face at times. Perhaps one of the most significant is gaining a real appreciation of today and a gratitude for the life we have in our hands now, because we can never be sure there'll be a tomorrow. To me this means taking the time to say thanks, or I appreciate your help, or I love you, or I understand how you feel to those people in life who mean a lot to us. There's no guarantee they'll be around next week, next month or next year to hear those words and be cheered by them. It also means enjoying what we have in life that's good - warm clothes, delicious food, lovely fragrances, a beautiful sky, flowers, a hug from a friend, the quizzical look on a dog's face - all that every day stuff that makes life worth living ... or taking that long dreamt of trip if we can possibly scrape the money together and just soaking up the wonder and discovery of that experience to the best of our ability (and worrying about the damage to the credit card later!)

Another challenge for my brother, and for us all I think at different times in our lives, is letting go of the future, giving up trying to control the universe to conform to our desires (and as a control freak from way back, this is a major challenge for me!). The universe and much that's in it, is largely completely beyond our control and while we can do our best to influence outcomes for the better, essentially we have to roll with the punches and learn from whatever curved balls get thrown our way. The forward path is pretty much obscured for my brother right now and with the death of his much loved wife, his plans, dreams, expectations and hopes in that regard have been shrouded in a blanket of incertitude. But he is learning to move forward despite that, trusting that things will unfold and evolve in time, and in the process developing those wonderful (and rare) qualities of patience and acceptance.

So my dear brother in his sadness had much to teach me and I hope I am always able to be there at his side along the journey into the unknown, and also that it eventually takes him to a place of warmth, safety, love and security again.

Welcome to The Annals of Annabelle

Wherein you may find absorbing information, amusing trivia, abstruse musings, aimless anecdotes, acerbic or possibly asinine observations (depending on her mood), assiduously researched and au courant political comments and all sorts of arbitrarily composed nonsense. Annabelle and her life are doubtless far more engaging to her, living at the centre of it as she is, than to observers, spectators or the simply curious, but here she is bravely exhibiting it for the delectation of whoever may happen by. She sincerely trusts you will enjoy a brief trip down the road with her and if you do, drop by and say hello!!