I haven't referred to my romantic quest for a while, the reason being I thought I'd found something that looked and felt so much like the real thing, I wanted it to have time and space in which to grow and blossom. My forays into the online dating world seemed to have finally borne fruit, in that a few weeks ago I met a man who was sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful and so drop dead gorgeous he made me weak at the knees just looking at him. What gave me hope after a long season of little hope was that he seemed to care for me and seemed to want what I wanted. We had some very special times but ultimately it seems the relationship is not to be, for reasons I confess I don't fully understand. Apparently a chance encounter has caused him to be conflicted about his feelings for a past relationship but be that as it may, I don't think after all he is the man for me.
Getting close to someone is challenging for me. It brings up lots of old demons of fear and mistrust that I struggle to conquer. I know though that I am gradually learning how to be open, trusting and courageous in the face of these doubts, as one must be to achieve anything worthwhile. Cynicism and game playing are characteristics abhorrent to me and if I give away too much, so be it... I have a lot to give away.
This time I think I have learned how to love and let go. I thank this person for the gifts of caring, warmth and passion they brought to me and if they can't be lasting ones, then I believe they are there to be found with someone else.
3 comments:
Oh Annie. This is a lovely tribute to a special time in your life. So sad, yet full of hope too. Be gentle on yourself dear friend.
Thank you Mme, that is so sweet.
The journey of life is indeed full of twists and turns, the good thing is that occasionally an unexpected twist reveals a wonderful new vista!
I wonder, though what do I know? :-)whether online dating doesn't start people off with higher expectations of those they meet than are altogether always justified?
I don't mean that people necessarily lie. Probably very few do so deliberately. But its human nature to paint the best possible picture of yourself, and sometimes this may be a little bit over the top, maybe?
Other thing, maybe, is that the first meeting,with expectations and hopes on both sides perhaps raised a shade too high, can maybe be a bit unnnatural, with people tending not to be "themselves". And then disappointment maybe sets in more often as you actually get to know the person better.Whereas in "ordinary" situations, work, shopping, general social events etc, people get to know each other more gradually in "natural" situations. My late wife and I, for example, met in a library I was in charge of, and she was a customer in,and we talked so much that it ended up closing time, and so we continued our talk over a drink. And the rest was history....
But, as I say, what do I know? I'd better stick to figuring out the Welsh and herding cats ;-)
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